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Wedding Planning > Wedding
Humor
Melvin Durai's Humor
Column
Perfect Wedding Hard to
Attain
I dropped the wedding ring. Just as
I was about to slide it around my bride's finger, it slipped out of
my grasp and fell to the floor. Unfortunately, I wasn't prepared for
such a mishap and forgot to shout the three words that are
absolutely essential at modern weddings: "Stop the video!"
Now everybody who watches the
video, including the grandchildren of my grandchildren, will
laugh at me. They may even blame me for their innate clumsiness, as
though I'm the first person in the family to drop something. It's a
pity I don't have a video of my grandfather in India, up on a
coconut tree.
Perhaps I should edit the wedding
video or at least find a way to destroy it. I would love to
eliminate the ring-dropping scene, as well as the sight of my mother
choking up with tears, realizing that her only son was finally
getting hitched and she would have to learn a few more words of
English, other than "When are you getting married?"
Take it from me: No matter how much
time you spend planning your wedding, something is bound to go
wrong. You'd have better luck planning the national convention of
FWLK (former wives of Larry King). At least you'd be guaranteed a
good turnout.
Consider yourself lucky if
something minor happens at your wedding, such as the
following:
- The soloist arrives drunk and
sings the Rolling Stones' hit "You can't always get what you
want."
- The pastor pronounces your last
name "Dairy," instead of "Durai." And later,
when he's drinking coffee, he asks you for non-Durai creamer.
- The bride, thrilled that she's
finally married and doesn't need to control her desires anymore,
doesn't wait until the guests leave to jump on the cake.
- The flower girls go on strike,
demanding that they wear gowns as elegant as the pastor's.
My wedding started several minutes
late because one of the flower girls didn't leave home on time. But
it was a blessing in disguise, for the best man remembered only at
the last minute to move the ring from his jeans to his tuxedo. Had
the wedding started on schedule, I would have had to kill him. And
that might have put a damper on the festive atmosphere. Especially
if I couldn't find someone to deliver the toast.
Only one other minor thing went
wrong: My bride's parents, after they had both walked her down the
aisle and given her hand in marriage, took seats on opposite sides
of the church. They had just flown in from Chennai, India, and were
obviously still suffering from jet lag.
But why should I complain about
such minor things, when the wedding was such a success. After all,
it was the happiest day of my life, even happier than the day I
bought my satellite dish.
I was so happy, I didn't mind
smiling one million times. On your wedding day, you can't just be
happy, you have to look happy, partly because people are constantly
taking pictures of you. I smiled so much, my teeth began to hurt.
I even smiled when I dropped the
wedding ring. I was happy that my bride remained calm and didn't
consider dropping something in return.
Such as me.
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Melvin Durai is a Shippensburg, Pennsylvania-based writer and humorist. A
native of India, he grew up in Zambia and moved to the US in the
early 1980's. Read more of Melvin Durai's humor at his WEBSITE.
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