| Showers used to be all-women tea parties, but these days just about anything goes. While women-only affairs are still popular, many grooms are getting their feet wet with a couples shower. Sometimes called a Jack and Jill, this pre-wedding bash includes male and female guests.
Planning on attending or hosting a couples shower in the future? Here are the basics explained:
Origin
The first bridal shower is said to have taken place in The Netherlands. A young woman had her heart set on marrying an impoverished miller. Her father disapproved and attempted to sabotage the marriage by refusing to hand over his daughter’s dowry. Some villagers and friends took pity on the couple and came to their rescue by “showering” them with gifts.
Who Hosts
The bride’s and groom’s attendants, co-workers and friends all make excellent hosts for a coed shower. If you’re an etiquette junkie, immediate family members are frowned upon as host or hostess because it looks as if they are fishing for presents. Many feel this “rule” is passe. Oftentimes, relatives get involved in the planning by offering financial aid or their homes as a shower site.
Who’s Invited
Here’s the general rule to follow: everybody who’s invited to the shower should also be invited to the wedding. Because a shower is primarily a gift-giving occasion, if a shower guest doesn’t get a wedding invite, he or she may feel snubbed. Not a good idea. Ask the bride and groom to help out with the shower guest list so no one will be left out. With a couples shower, plan a coed guest list, making sure to invite both friends of the bride, the groom and the couple.
When
The only fixed rule to follow is that a shower should come sometime after the engagement party but before the wedding day.
Where
Couples showers can be thrown just about anywhere: a favorite restaurant, outdoors at the park or in the living room in the host or hostesses’ home.
Themes
- ”Stock The Bar Shower”
Everyone is assigned a different kind of liquor, like vodka, brandy or tequila. As gifts, guests not only bring their assigned liquor, but the appropriate glasses to serve them in. Guests can also bring bar ware, like corkscrews, funky coasters and chip ‘n dip servers.
- “Spa Pampering Shower”
The couple receives matching robes from the host or hostess and guest bring all the necessary items for an in-home spa pampering. Think fluffy towel sets, sea salt, bubble bath, candles, lotion and detachable bathtub jets. The group might even pitch in to send the couple to a favorite spa for his-and-her massages.
- “Bon Voyage Shower”
Guests shower the couple with all the essential items for enjoying their honeymoon, from disposable cameras to maps to luggage. If the trip’s location has already been determined, restaurant gift certificates are a fun treat.
- “Electronics Shower”
Most newlyweds would like to upgrade the TV or stereo equipment that’s gotten them through their college years. An electronics shower is idea for the techno-couple that lusts after the latest DVD player or video camera on the market. Pick one big-ticket item, like a CD player, and have other guests bring stacks of discs to stock their music library.
- The Gifts
It’s a good idea to have the bride and groom register for gifts before shower season hits. The host or hostess is expected to include the couple’s registry information in the invitations. If you want guests to bring gifts in keeping with a theme, make sure there are related items on their registry so that the couple does not get unwanted gifts.
- Keeping Track
As the couple opens their gifts, have a designated helper keep record of which guest gave which present, so thank-you notes won’t be a nightmare.
- Entertainment
Eating, chatting, and gift-opening are the primary activities at any shower, especially a couples one. The host or hostess may want to consider providing background music (in keeping with the theme, if it lends itself) and some planned activities, so the party moves along at a nice pace. Games are great for bringing people together and upping the laugh quotient.
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