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Wedding Planning > Stress
& Relationships
Where do you see some of the greatest
challenges and what suggestions or advice do you have for couples getting married?
One of the greatest challenges facing brides and grooms is their
feelings of wanting to satisfy EVERYONE...there are so many people involved - family,
friends and relatives you haven't seen in years. Setting expectations appropriately is
very important. Expect to have a
"terrific" wedding, and leave "perfection" out of it. Reasonable expectations will make a big and positive difference. Again,
listen to each other, communicate and respect each other. I sometimes think the challenges
and issues facing couples preparing for their wedding prepares them for marriage. It is a
very wonderful and valuable time.
I guess a classic stress is dealing with
parents - is that true?
This is often a very stressful area. It is no myth. Again, couples
often try to please everyone. Dealing with the issues surrounding divorced parents can be
particularly challenging and very stressful. An individual or couple having trouble
dealing with these types of potentially volatile issues may want to seek professional
counseling.
I think our readers could use a few tips
when it comes to dealing with parents and in-laws?
My tape "How to Get Married
Without Feeling Harried" gives people some very effective techniques to use when
dealing with these types of issues. It will be important to know what issues and plans the
bride and groom want totally in their control. Things that are not negotiable. But there
are other areas and issues that can be real opportunities for the bride and groom to get
people, particularly their parents, who want to participate in this very special event.
For instance, if decisions about flowers and decorations are on your
"negotiable" list, consider delegating some of those responsibilities to your
mother or mother-in-law. An example I use in my tape is if your father-in-law is a wine
expert, delegate the wine selection and acquisition to him. These are only examples, but
the possibilities are everywhere.
Also, something very important to know and understand is what is
commonly referred to as "separation anxiety". It is very real and effects the
parents of children getting married and leaving the "the nest". It can be a time
of great stress and anxiety for the parents which can then create stress and highly
emotional issues for the bride and groom. You can see the potential for conflict and
stress. Being aware of what is happening, REALLY happening, is a big part of dealing and
managing stress.
What are your thoughts on pre-marriage
counseling?
Pre-marriage counseling is very important. Of course it is important
to keep a healthy body, stay in shape and exercise - it helps you deal with stress, but
one also has to have a "healthy" mind. Old, unresolved issues from
childhood
or upbringing can come up and hurt this new and wonderful relationship that begins with
marriage. If anyone has any concerns, they should not hesitate to seek professional
counseling. It is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. It's smart and good
judgment.
So the wedding is over…is the stress
gone too?
Yes, pre-nuptial stress is gone, but the first year of marriage can
be stressful. It's called First Year Marriage Stress. Things have and will continue to
change for the couple. There are issues they now must face together, like when to visit
parents, how often, planning finances and budgets. There are still the stresses found in
every day life. Here again, it is important to respect each other and each other's
uniqueness. Communicate and listen to each other. Think about what is really happening and
avoid reacting to situations. Keep a sense of humor - that's very important, and if
necessary, seek professional help.
Myrna Ruskin Associates, Inc.
35 Sutton Place
New York, New York 10022
(212) 355-0538
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